Operation: Trojan Horse
by kiliki
Summary: A sequel to Patch's "To Please Her" You don't *need* to read it to understand this fic, but I would recommend it. Its set after Usagi/Mamoru are married, but before CT. Usagi needs to get some "things", but has some embarrassing results. She's on a missio


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Operation: Trojan Horse  
By: Kiliki  
Rating: PG 13 (for erm...sexual innuendoes)  
  
"The gods too are fond of a joke."  
-- Aristotle  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
Konnichiwa minna-chan! This is a sequel to Patch's "To Please   
Her." It's a complete fic in of itself, but if you want to know the   
whole picture, then I suggest you read the above first.   
This fic is partly inspired by my experiences with the vending   
machines at school. (Don't worry people, I'm talking about the snack   
kind. Lost? You'll find out later.) I hope, if nothing else that this   
fic will make you laugh and your day a little brighter. This one is for   
you Badz Angel! *grins*  
  
A few tips for my stories:  
*__* =Shows word emphasis.  
=Shows thought.  
  
Here are some Japanese words that I've added in:  
  
Arigatou--thank you  
Hai--yes  
Iie -- No  
Konnichiwa--hello  
Goshinpainaku--don't worry  
Nani?--what?  
Demo--but  
Onegai--please  
  
Disclaimer: Ummm...I guess all I have to say is, I don't own her. Usagi   
and Co. belong to Naoko Takeuchi. I do own the right to kick that   
stupid machine at school though. *winks at Badz Angel*  
  
  
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Chapter One  
  
  
Usagi sighed as she stepped through the lobby doors of her   
apartment building. Work had been rather dull and the day had dragged  
on indefinitely. Walking over the elevator doors, she pushed the "UP"   
button. Waiting for it to come down, she started shaking the rain free   
from her umbrella. Convinced that it for the most part cleared from most   
of the excess moisture, she glanced at her watch and started tapping   
her foot, all the while glancing impatiently at the snails pace of the   
elevator's travel and playing idly with her wedding band.  
A cheery "DING" roused her from an onslaught of impatient sighs   
and rolling of her eyes. Why couldn't things just work for her? Just   
*once* today, at least. Barely waiting for the doors to part, she   
squeezed through, carelessly jostling the other tenants trying to get   
in.  
"Hey watch what you're doing!" Came from a disgruntled old man   
that she recognized as her rather grumpy neighbor.  
"Gomen Sato-san." She apologized, offering a reconciliating   
smile, albeit forced.  
"Huh." The old man shot her an angry look. "You should be more   
respectful of your elders." He huffed.  
Smiling sickening sweet she replied. "True Sato-san, but some   
should not go off their medication. Their emotional mood swings can   
affect others."  
His face depended into an angry flush. "I don't take medicines   
for your information." He snarled under his breath.  
Trying not to smile amid the muffled snickers around her, Usagi   
eyes impossibly widened even more innocently. "Oh, but maybe you   
should." She turned away and hid her grin behind a hand. She bit back a   
giggle at the memory of the murder glint in his eyes.  
  
Sighing once more, she glances at the numbers above the door, 6.  
Two more to go. Bending down, Usagi slips off her heels in a sigh of   
pure bliss. Glancing up, she finds Sato-san glowering in disgust at her   
unorthodox action. Giving the bothersome man a withering glare, she is   
grateful to hear the elevator's chime once more. Ninth floor and her   
freedom.  
Rushing out of the cramped box of torture, she ambled over to   
her door. Turning the key and slipping through 802, she calls out   
wearily. "Mamo-chan! I'm home."  
"Usako?" Came the muffled reply from within the depths of the   
apartment.  
Setting her shoes down by Mamoru's loafers, she wanders through   
the dark apartment, looking in each room for her husband. She finally   
walks around the corner and gets a full look at a candlelit table with   
rose petals scattered around full plates of steaming food. Eyes watering  
at the romantic setting before her, she smiles lovingly at the man who   
walks from the kitchen into the room. "Konnichiwa Usako."  
"Oh Mamo-chan!" She exclaimed, overwhelmed and rooted to the   
floor by the surging emotions.  
"Daijoubu?" He sets down a glass of wine and walks over to her,   
a worried expression on his handsome face.  
"Iie. Goshinpainaku, it's just...it's just so much of a   
surprise!" She stutters bewildered, then a horrified look crosses her   
face. "Is this a special occasion? OH NO! Is today your birthday? Our   
anniversary...?" She babbled.  
Mamoru grabbed onto her shoulders to get her attention. "Usako."  
She just continues to ramble on. "USAKO!"  
"Nani?" She brings watery eyes up to meet his concerned gaze. A   
single tear slips out.  
"Iie, you didn't forget any special date." He reassured her,   
wiping away the stray drop tenderly. "I just wanted to surprise you,   
that's all." She laughs a bit sheepishly, and wipes away the traces of   
her crying.  
"See, everything is going to be okay." Mamoru stepped even   
closer and took her into his arms. "I didn't get my 'welcome home' kiss   
you know."  
She suddenly smiles coyly up into his face. "I guess we'll have   
to remedy that then, won't we?"  
"I guess so." Leaning down, he engulfs her into a deep kiss,   
full of love. She tilted her head under his relentless ardor, deepening   
the kiss. Finally they broke apart. She gently laid her head in the   
crook of his neck.  
"You shouldn't really be doing this you know. You're a married   
man Chiba." She murmurs dreamily from her quite comfortable position.  
"I don't think Mrs. Chiba will mind." He grinned devilishly.  
"I'm not complaining." She laughed.  
Pulling out of their embrace, Mamoru gestured towards the set   
table. "How 'bout a little dinner and wine?" He suggests to his wife.  
She just raised an eyebrow and coquettishly pulled him close   
again. "Why don't we go straight to desert?" She murmured against his   
throat.  
He grinned and kissed her, tempting her lips with soft kisses.   
Her legs gave way and his arms tighten around her, bringing her   
impossibly closer. Breaking yet another passionate kiss, she pulled on   
his shirt lightly, encouraging him to their room. He ignored her and   
kissed the confused expression on her face.  
"Nani Mamo-chan?" She hesitated, "Don't you want to?"  
He smirks, raising a brow. "Is that a question to ask your   
husband?" He paused before continuing, trying to conceal a fiendish   
grin. "But there is a problem, remember? You my love, will be taking a   
trip to the store because we've run out of..." and he whispered the rest   
in her ear and smiled in satisfaction to see her eyes go wide. (AN: I   
stole this one little sentence from Patch.)  
"Nani?!?!" She squeaked. "Onegai Mamo-chan..." He pressed a   
finger to her lips to silence her pleadings.  
"Iie Usako. I did the *impossible* last week." He shuddered   
involuntarily at the memory. "Now it's your turn."  
"Demo...demo..." She grasped his shirt and begged him not to   
torture her like this.  
"Iie demo." He silenced her, trying to ignore the protruding   
lip, puppy-dog look she sent his way. "You better hurry, unless you just   
want *dinner*."  
She half pulled half pushed him away, pouting. "Fine Mamo-chan."  
She sent a petulant look over her shoulder. "I'll be back."  
"Don't take long!" He called after her retreating figure and was  
promptly rewarded with a glare and a muttered, "...and *I'M* the Queen!"  
He had the gall to laugh, in response, she half-heartedly slammed the   
door. She could hear him laughing through the closed door.  
"Insufferable man!" She huffed stomping her way over to the   
elevator. The door opened and she descended to the lobby floor, walking   
towards the front door.  
She suddenly paused in mid-stride. The vending machine. She changed   
direction and went over to stare through its window. Well, more   
importantly at B7. For among the assortment of candy, snacks,   
toothpaste, floss, and other little items, one caught her eye. A small   
little foil package. (AN: I've actually seen a machine with one in it!)   
An impish look filled her eyes.  
Quickly rummaging through her small purse, she produced a some   
yen. Quickly she pressed it through the slot, and punched B then 7. The   
little elevator went up the "B" level, the machine made a noise, but the  
item didn't move.  
"Nani?!?!" She exclaimed, then eyed the machine warily. Backing   
up a couple of steps, she then charged the vending machine.   
"AAAARRHHHHH!!!!" She yelled and gave it a swift and violent kick, her   
patience shot.  
The thing emitted a strangled noise, then the little door   
opened...then closed, up and down, up and down, mocking her. (AN: *hee   
hee* Batdz Angel) She cursed under her breath, fuming.   
She coached herself, clenching her fists to keep from attacking   
the beast again.  
Finally she spun on her heel, leaving the confounded machine   
still going up and down, while she stalked resolutely out the door.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Usagi reached the door of the small market around the corner   
from their complex building, dripping wet. She had forgotten to grab her  
umbrella in her mock fury, and she didn't have keys to Mamoru's car.   
She mentally made herself a   
note to get a copy of his key so a repeat of tonight's performance   
wouldn't happen. She silently   
agreed with herself that that was the best option yet.  
Marching through the sliding doors, she headed emphatically over  
to aisle number 5. Family planning. She groaned inwardly, she *HATED*   
doing this. The stares, the snickers and smirks of teenage boys, it was   
enough to consider doing without any 'desert'. But the memory of his   
last passionate kiss brought her back with a groan to her present   
mission at hand: 'Operation: Trojan Horse.'  
Trying to slip inconspicuously into aisle 5, she cautiously   
proceeded to the section she was looking for, and quickly grabbed the   
nearest little box when a voice interrupted. "Usagi-chan!" She froze   
recognizing *that* voice, and turned slowly around, facing her doom.  
"Konnichiwa Momma-san." She greeted, trying desperately not to   
blush. "How are you?"  
"I'm doing fine, and how are..." Ikuko then caught sight of the   
little package that Usagi held. "I see you are doing just *fine*." Usagi  
flushed a deep red at the innuendo.  
"Hai, what are you doing here Mama?" She asked, desperately   
fishing for a subject to lure her mother away from the current topic.  
"Well," She paused while grabbing a armful of boxes for herself,  
"we don't want any surprises, so I'm stocking up." Usagi reddened even   
more at the sudden direction in the conversation.  
"Ah...hai...well uh, I better be going." She stuttered   
hurriedly, backing away from her mother. "Ja ne!" When she thought the   
coast was clear, she ran, desperate to get out. But the Fates weren't   
finished with her yet.  
"Usagi-chan! Wait!" Usagi slowly turned around and dragged   
herself reluctantly back to the older woman. "Hai?"  
Her mother smiled. "You want this one," she said, grabbing the   
package out of Usagi's hands and thrusting a different box in her   
daughter's hands. "not that one."  
"Nani?" Usagi questioned quite confused, that is until she read   
the print on that package. 'Ribbed, for her pleasure.' She brought   
horror stricken eyes to meet her mother's.  
"I recommend them." Ikuko explained, patting her daughter's   
cheek affectionately.  
"Arigatou...Mama-san." She stammered, flushing to impossible   
shades of crimson. "Ja ne." Without waiting, she promptly turned on her   
heel and fled to the checkout.  
After *feeling* the stares she received from the other customers  
in line, she finally made it to the counter. She slid the box forward,   
hoping the ordeal would be soon done with, all the while keeping her   
eyes downcast. Once again the Fates weren't finished with the poor girl.   
"Wishful thinking or first date?" The young cashier asked pointing to   
the package, while giving a smirk to his teenage comrade, the bag boy.  
Usagi glared into his face, then lifted her left hand   
triumphantly. "Iie, anniversary." His smile dampened somewhat. "I'm not   
desperate like some people."  
The young man glowered at that remark. "Paper or plastic, or in   
your case...latex?" The bag boy snickered at his friend's wit.  
She straitened and gave him her classic   
'pissed-off-moon-princess,-now-you're-going-to-die' look. "Actually, I   
want your manager's name." Both of them quickly sobered. The cashier   
shamefacedly wrote the name on a slip of paper and handed it to her.  
Usagi gave a triumphantly smug smile over her shoulder as she   
walked out.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Walking through the glass doors of her building again, Usagi   
glanced over at the infamous vending machine again. It was still going   
up and down.  
Marching determinedly over to it, she stopped and contemplated   
its doom. After deciding its fate for treason, she took a couple of   
steps back and gave it a running kick. It gave a high-pitched 'BEEP'   
then the little B7 row went berserk, it started to spill forth all of   
the little foil packages until they were a heap on the floor.  
Glaring at the insufferable machine, she started to walk away,   
when she suddenly whirled around and scooped up an armload of the   
spilled contents, giving her shoulders a slight shrug to the shocked   
desk clerk.  
Striding over to the elevator, she jabbed the button with her   
elbow and was surprised when the doors opened immediately. The doors   
closed on the sound of the dying machine squealing hideously.  
Once arriving on her floor, she turned her key and rushed   
through the door. Mamoru looked up surprised. "Konnichiwa Usako!" His   
eyes widened at the sheer *amount* of packages she carried. "Stocking   
up?" He commented dryly.  
She didn't answer him, but threw down her armload except for one   
and attacked him. She just plain jumped him.  
"Usako..." He murmured against her insistent lips. "Don't you   
want a little dinner?"  
His wife growled, "Screw dinner." She pushed him towards the   
bedroom door.  
He readily complied. "A little anxious are we?" He chuckled, not  
hindering the process any.  
Usagi just grinned impishly, "We have to use up those things   
someway!" His smile only got wider as he leaned down to kiss her long   
and deep.  
"But Mamo-chan..." She sighed under his insistent ardor.  
"Mmmmmm?" He replied not breaking the kiss, and stroking her   
back in that distracting way.  
"Next time *you're* going shopping." He finally broke contact,   
leaning back to look at her.  
"I don't think so love, I bought 'them' for you, and you got   
those today for me." He answered, tapping her nose for effect.  
"I don't think *you* understand." She swatted his hand away.   
"Because if you don't, *you'll* be sleeping on the cou...." He suddenly   
kissed her, quickly silencing her, and urged her to their room.  
Usagi giggled at his antics. He knew who was *Queen*.  
  
  
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*giggles* There ya go Batdz Angel. Did you all like it? If so...email   
me, if not...email me.  
  
kiliki621@yahoo.com ^_~  
  
Ja ne!  
  
Kiliki 


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